Coke sucks....Pepsi is the number one, bestest, awesome, amazing, fantastic, awesometasticzing, wonderful, super-duper, astonishing, astounding, extravagant, marvelous, greatest, dandiest, terrific, magnificent, grand, splendatious, awe-inspiring, ostentatious, splendid, impressive, flamboyant, scrumptious, spectacular, majestic, epic, quality soda out there.
...coke sucks....
Thursday, April 30, 2009
What to do with Neon Duct Tape
Okay...everyone who has been a part of the Possum Lodge on the Red Green Show knows that duct tape has many functions. You can make a limo, launch a boat, make a lawnmower chair and do even morewacky things with it. But has anyone ever seen neon duct tape? More important than that, has anyone ever tried to use it for anything crazy? Well, if you haven't, here is a true story and some ideas that will make duct tape seem a whole lot more fun.
Ballerina Slipper (True Story):
Okay...picture it...I am home alone sitting on the couch. There is nothing on TV so I open my purse to look for my cell. A bright orange roll of duct tape falls out. I pick it up and think...what could I do with this? I look around and see an empty plastic Dollar General bag. As I put my left foot in the bag I think, "What if something bad happens?" I ignore the thought and concentrate on how awesome this will be. I tie the bag around my ankle and start to wrap the tape around the bag. I start at my ankle and finish all the way to my toes. I notice that my foot looks skinnier now and that the tape resembles a ballet slipper. I hop up and go to the center of my living room and start jumping around like the idiot I really am. I spin around a few times and then collapse realizing that I can't really feel my toes. I sit back down on the sofa and struggle to unwrap the tightly bound tape. The bag starts to tear off with the tape. I am insane enough to think, "Ha! Killin' two birds with one stone." I near the end of the tape line and see that part of the tape is on my skin...but a little too late. I rip the rest of the tape off in one quick swipe. My bloodcurdling scream filled the empty house and the ladies next door stop talking. As they were probably inside calling the cops, I gathered up all the tape around the couch and throw it away. Five hours later my mom gets home and asks, "What's with all the tape in the trash?" And I, like all other teenagers in this world, responded with,"I don't know..."
Decorate Folders (Idea Number One):
A couple of years ago a friend of mine came to school with some seriously cool folders. She had different colored folders and had decked them out with duct tape stripes. I thought it was cool and did something kind of like that this year to my Spanish folder. I covered the entire surface with black electrical tape. It was originally purple and you couldn't really tell that it was purple from all the tape that was on it.
Fix Your Shoes (Idea Number Two):
You can also decorate or fix your shoes. I believe this is very cool with Chuck Taylors. Real Chucks wearers wear these awesometasticzing shoes until they literally fall apart. What do you do when they fall apart? You take some beautiful neon tape and wrap the shoes with it. You can use different designs and colors. Add some Sharpie marker doodles on top and it will be great.
Curtains (Idea Number Three):
You can also take many different colors of duct tape and cut off strips four inches longer than your window. Roll each strip length ways until there are no sticky spots showing. Now make six to nine strips of each color and braid them together. Now take a different color and cut off a piece that is exactly as long as your window. Lay it sticky side up and put the tape braids on in any order. Take another long piece (of the same color) and place it over the other piece with the braids on it. Now find some curtain rings or hooks or even unbend paper clips to put through the long piece of tape and hook to your curtain rod. Now you have weirdishly cool hippi-ish style curtains for your room!
The perfect place to buy neon colored duct tape is at WalMart. Go over by the tires and hardware stuff. You can get orange, green, purple, blue and I think yellow.
Ballerina Slipper (True Story):
Okay...picture it...I am home alone sitting on the couch. There is nothing on TV so I open my purse to look for my cell. A bright orange roll of duct tape falls out. I pick it up and think...what could I do with this? I look around and see an empty plastic Dollar General bag. As I put my left foot in the bag I think, "What if something bad happens?" I ignore the thought and concentrate on how awesome this will be. I tie the bag around my ankle and start to wrap the tape around the bag. I start at my ankle and finish all the way to my toes. I notice that my foot looks skinnier now and that the tape resembles a ballet slipper. I hop up and go to the center of my living room and start jumping around like the idiot I really am. I spin around a few times and then collapse realizing that I can't really feel my toes. I sit back down on the sofa and struggle to unwrap the tightly bound tape. The bag starts to tear off with the tape. I am insane enough to think, "Ha! Killin' two birds with one stone." I near the end of the tape line and see that part of the tape is on my skin...but a little too late. I rip the rest of the tape off in one quick swipe. My bloodcurdling scream filled the empty house and the ladies next door stop talking. As they were probably inside calling the cops, I gathered up all the tape around the couch and throw it away. Five hours later my mom gets home and asks, "What's with all the tape in the trash?" And I, like all other teenagers in this world, responded with,"I don't know..."
Decorate Folders (Idea Number One):
A couple of years ago a friend of mine came to school with some seriously cool folders. She had different colored folders and had decked them out with duct tape stripes. I thought it was cool and did something kind of like that this year to my Spanish folder. I covered the entire surface with black electrical tape. It was originally purple and you couldn't really tell that it was purple from all the tape that was on it.
Fix Your Shoes (Idea Number Two):
You can also decorate or fix your shoes. I believe this is very cool with Chuck Taylors. Real Chucks wearers wear these awesometasticzing shoes until they literally fall apart. What do you do when they fall apart? You take some beautiful neon tape and wrap the shoes with it. You can use different designs and colors. Add some Sharpie marker doodles on top and it will be great.
Curtains (Idea Number Three):
You can also take many different colors of duct tape and cut off strips four inches longer than your window. Roll each strip length ways until there are no sticky spots showing. Now make six to nine strips of each color and braid them together. Now take a different color and cut off a piece that is exactly as long as your window. Lay it sticky side up and put the tape braids on in any order. Take another long piece (of the same color) and place it over the other piece with the braids on it. Now find some curtain rings or hooks or even unbend paper clips to put through the long piece of tape and hook to your curtain rod. Now you have weirdishly cool hippi-ish style curtains for your room!
The perfect place to buy neon colored duct tape is at WalMart. Go over by the tires and hardware stuff. You can get orange, green, purple, blue and I think yellow.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Americans that Adopt
Okay...we all know that some people in this country can't have children due to the fact that they might possibly have a defect in their systems. So they turn to adoption. I'm all for adoption but when the only kids getting adopted are China babies, I kinda get irritated.
Let's see here...WE ARE AMERICANS! AMERICA IS IN THE TOILET! MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY AND HELP OUR ORPHANED CHILDREN FIRST! C'mon...can we all not seriously put two and two together? Most people hear the word adoption and think, "Oh, how nice. They will probably adopt a China baby." That is so not what the first thought should be. America is not as great of a country as people think it is. We have a very screwed-up economy and we have homeless people and orphans out the wazoo. But we somehow only adopt children from other countries. These are the same people that say, "Oh, our country needs help. I'll help it as much as possible." AND THEN THEY GO OUT AND ADOPT A FREAKING CHINA BABY! Maybe we should stay out of their business and try to help our own abandoned children.
Some people say that it's sad because of the amount of children China parents can have. But...honestly? That's their law. Follow it and there wouldn't be a problem. Try saving OUR abandoned children first, eh?
Let's see here...WE ARE AMERICANS! AMERICA IS IN THE TOILET! MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY AND HELP OUR ORPHANED CHILDREN FIRST! C'mon...can we all not seriously put two and two together? Most people hear the word adoption and think, "Oh, how nice. They will probably adopt a China baby." That is so not what the first thought should be. America is not as great of a country as people think it is. We have a very screwed-up economy and we have homeless people and orphans out the wazoo. But we somehow only adopt children from other countries. These are the same people that say, "Oh, our country needs help. I'll help it as much as possible." AND THEN THEY GO OUT AND ADOPT A FREAKING CHINA BABY! Maybe we should stay out of their business and try to help our own abandoned children.
Some people say that it's sad because of the amount of children China parents can have. But...honestly? That's their law. Follow it and there wouldn't be a problem. Try saving OUR abandoned children first, eh?
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The 5 Stages of Grief
Hopefully, everyone out there in the massive world that is the Internet knows that there are five separate stages to grief. Grief, as we all know, is the intense emotional suffering caused by loss, misfortune, injury, or evils of any kind; sorrow; regret. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Let's study each of these stages carefully, so we can grasp a firm understanding on this crazy little thing we call grief.
Stage One-Denial: (n) the act of denying or contradicting; an assertion that a declaration or fact stated is not true; negation; contradiction. Now...we all deny the little things we do in life. Some might actually go as far as saying that denial is really just lying. "I don't drink too much Pepsi. I don't have a problem. I am perfectly fine." Denial? Or lying out right to avoid the issue? I don't know and I don't want to find out.
Stage Two-Anger: (n) a strong feeling excited by a real or supposed injury: often accompanied by a desire to take vengeance, or to obtain satisfaction from the offending party; resentment; wrath; ire. Anger...my personal favorite of all the stages. It is probably the most occupied stage in the whole grief system. We avoid our grief by taking it out on others. The occasional outburst or little scuffle may happen, but it's all for a good cause right? I mean, we have to fulfill this step of the process in order to move on so why not make the best of it?
Stage Three-Bargaining: (n) a mutual agreement or contract. Simple as that. Most make there promises to themselves. Others to friends, parents, and God. 95% of the time, the are empty promises. We say we will and then we don't because the recent generations have not developed this wonderful thing called will power.
Stage Four-Depression: (n) in psychology, an emotional condition, either normal or pathological, characterized by discouragement, a feeling of inadequacy, etc. Depression is becoming more and more common with U.S. teens each year. For most, it's a true condition that that particular teen has to battle. But for others...well, let's just say they are in it for the drugs...
Stage Five-Acceptance: (n) a receiving with approval or satisfaction; favorable reception. The final step in the grief cycle. It's the most boring step to the process but that's okay because it is also the most important.
Now you know that the Five Stages of Grief are also called DABDA. Deal with it and you'll be fine.
Stage One-Denial: (n) the act of denying or contradicting; an assertion that a declaration or fact stated is not true; negation; contradiction. Now...we all deny the little things we do in life. Some might actually go as far as saying that denial is really just lying. "I don't drink too much Pepsi. I don't have a problem. I am perfectly fine." Denial? Or lying out right to avoid the issue? I don't know and I don't want to find out.
Stage Two-Anger: (n) a strong feeling excited by a real or supposed injury: often accompanied by a desire to take vengeance, or to obtain satisfaction from the offending party; resentment; wrath; ire. Anger...my personal favorite of all the stages. It is probably the most occupied stage in the whole grief system. We avoid our grief by taking it out on others. The occasional outburst or little scuffle may happen, but it's all for a good cause right? I mean, we have to fulfill this step of the process in order to move on so why not make the best of it?
Stage Three-Bargaining: (n) a mutual agreement or contract. Simple as that. Most make there promises to themselves. Others to friends, parents, and God. 95% of the time, the are empty promises. We say we will and then we don't because the recent generations have not developed this wonderful thing called will power.
Stage Four-Depression: (n) in psychology, an emotional condition, either normal or pathological, characterized by discouragement, a feeling of inadequacy, etc. Depression is becoming more and more common with U.S. teens each year. For most, it's a true condition that that particular teen has to battle. But for others...well, let's just say they are in it for the drugs...
Stage Five-Acceptance: (n) a receiving with approval or satisfaction; favorable reception. The final step in the grief cycle. It's the most boring step to the process but that's okay because it is also the most important.
Now you know that the Five Stages of Grief are also called DABDA. Deal with it and you'll be fine.
to My good Friend rod
You will notice that my title is using random capitalization because I agree with Margo Roth Speigelman that the rules of capitalization are unfair to the words in the middle. And how was I supposed to know that you had a blog? You kinda didn't tell me...so now this is what...the third? fourth? means of communication that we have now? I am thinking about getting a Twitter too. So, yeah....bye.
Friday, April 24, 2009
It just occured to me...
I just realized that practically no one reads this blog. I have two followers that are not on blogger (they are true friends that go to my school) and occasionally one other true friend. But other than that...just NO. It's like a slap in the face. Why do I waste my time talking to no one? Basically, I am trying to tell the world my random thoughts and am only achieving re-telling my friends what I already told them earlier on in the day. I need the world to read this, to find it! BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!! So, I ask you, invisible internet readers of this blog, what should I do? I have to find out. It is a goal that will never be abandoned! I will succeed!
Meanwhile...I think I'm going to go make a sandwich...bye.
Meanwhile...I think I'm going to go make a sandwich...bye.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Snuggie Cult
On February 2, 2009, Time magazine released an article in their tabloid titled THE CULT OF THE SNUGGIE. Written by M.J. Stephey, this article is hilarious but true. Of course, just about everyone on the planet has heard of the Snuggie- the revolutionary "blanket with arms"- and has surely seen the ridiculous commercials. I suppose that any true YouTube addict would have seen the seven-minute long rant of the Snuggie, made by 18-year old Cameron Cosgrove. He says, "This is the best way to explain it. It's a bathrobe. That is really long. That you wear backwards." Cameron basically has it right. The pictures of Snuggie-clad sports fans draped in the humongous, shapeless tents look absolutely absurd. Some of the tag lines and sales pitches for the over-sized blankets are phrases like, Great for the outdoors! Great for the whole family! Machine washable! and, my personal favorite, One size fits all! Now, this all sounds great, and people sure are rushing out to buy them (it sold more than 3 million since September), but this isn't the first product of its kind...Slanket? Anyone? And it will most likely not be the last. Scott Boilen, CEO of the company that makes the wearable hammocks, says, "We're hoping this is going to be a brand in the U.S. for a long time to come." Boilen is looking towards the future, hoping to make products like the Outdoor Snuggie and the Snuggie for Kids. Can't wait...
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